Not Really There
by MeowKitty1912
Summary: Petalpaw and Foxpaw are in love, it's as simple as that. Of course, as they get older, they realize it's really not.


**A/N: I put a lot of work into this - I started writing it last week, and just now finished it now. It was nine pages on Google Docs, so I'm pretty proud. It's probably the longest one-shot I've ever written. :)**

Petalpaw looked Foxpaw straight in the eyes, amber meeting blue. A purr startled to rumble in her throat, but she pushed it down - no need for Foxpaw to know she was enjoying this pointless training. After all, there was no disturbance between the Clans at the moment; why did they need to know how to fight so well?

Foxpaw, without warning, leapt, his dark ginger, almost-brown fur flying. Petalpaw admired his elegance as she quickly side-stepped him and battered his head with her paws, balancing on her hindlegs. Foxpaw sighed in easy defeat.

His mentor, Dovefoot, scolded him, "Foxpaw, you would be dead if this was a real battle!" Her gray fur started to bristle as Foxpaw shot her an angry glare.

"Like I'd listen to you," he said as he got up and brushed himself up. After, added quietly, "kittypet..."

Petalpaw joined her mentor a few pawsteps away. Darkheart was impressed. The she-cat had only been an apprentice for two moons, after all - Darkheart had no idea a cat could learn so fast. Petalpaw beamed with happiness as her black-furred mentor told her all the things she had done perfectly. Surely she would come victorious in a real battle.

Soon it was time to go to camp. Petalpaw, her paws itching to run around the forest wildly, protested.

"You go," Petalpaw told Darkheart and Dovefoot. "I'll stay and... hunt!" Darkheart looked at his mate, approval in his eyes.

"She'll make a fine warrior one day, surely," he murmured to Dovefoot.

"Can't say the same about Foxpaw," Dovefoot said darkly, eyeing her handsome, but rather untalented and not at all appreciative apprentice. "It would do him good to stay out with Petalpaw."

"No fai-" A furious Foxpaw was intereupted by Petalpaw.

"That's settled, then," Petalpaw said happily.

The apprentices watched as their mentors padded off into the undergrowth, tails entwined together, purring happily. Secretly, Petalpaw wished to be like them someday, with a mate.

He would be handsome, funny, handsome, and handsome... Okay, she hadn't given it too much thought. But Petalpaw knew she would find the perfect tom soon. There were many young warriors she would like to get to know, especially Bluefang. His blue eyes sparkled with... Anger? No, that wasn't right. They sparkled with... Petalpaw realized with a start that Foxpaw was glaring at her, clearly very aggravated.

"Yes?" Petalpaw was lost in thought again. This time, though, she was dreaming about ginger fur and light blue eyes, not icy ones like Bluefang's - why?

"We have to hunt, don't we?" Foxpaw growled, his blue eyes - _his blue eyes! _Why in StarClan was Petalpaw thinking about him? He was cute, but his personality was all wrong.

"We do..? Oh, mouse-dung, we do!" Petalpaw remembered what she had said to Darkheart suddenly, having forgotten for more than a few moments.

"You're so childish," Foxpaw snarled, baring his teeth.

"You're even worse that Dovefoot," Petalpaw shot back - she hated it when she was insulted. "Always complaining, like a kittypet."

Foxpaw unsheathed his claws then sheathed them again, pulling up clumps of dirt. He despised kittypets. They were so soft and whiny. To be called one? Petalpaw would pay. Petalpaw scented the air as Foxpaw watched her. She dropped low to the ground, and Foxpaw followed her gaze to see a mouse, nibbling on a nut at the base of the tree. Petalpaw was about to leap when Foxpaw purposedly brought his paw down on a twig, making the mouse look up and see Petalpaw. The mouse ran, and Petalpaw turned to Foxpaw.

"Why did you do that?!" Petalpaw asked angrily, wondering how a cat could be so rude.

Foxpaw acted as if he had done nothing wrong. "Do what? I was walking around, looking for prey."

"You don't _look_ for prey, you scent it! And I know you did that on purpose, you fox-hearted kittypet!" Petalpaw snarled. That was prey. They needed prey. They had such a large Clan. Foxpaw was so horrible, a complete -

"I am not a kittypet!" Foxpaw leapt into the air and Petalpaw, shocked, didn't have time to move out of the way. She tried to kick Foxpaw off, but it was nearly impossible, since he was standing over her with a paw on her chest.

Petalpaw decided to do something she had heard stories about - she stopped fighting, and looked at Foxpaw with large eyes, as if she gave up. He started to lift his paw up, when Petalpaw bowled him over. They rolled all the way to the other side of the clearing before stopping, and Foxpaw battered Petalpaw's soft stomach with his paws. Petalpaw stood up quickly, looking at Foxpaw with a mixture of anger and a little bit of enjoyment.

Foxpaw growled, and reached up to bite Petalpaw's ear. She wasn't expecting it, so she let out a yowl. A drop of blood came out of the wound, and Petalpaw couldn't help but - laugh. Foxpaw stared at her, clearly confused.

"What?" He asked. All of Foxpaw's anger seemed to vanish, and he was laughing, too, for no apparent reason. He leaned on Petalpaw as they laughed so hard their stomachs hurt, and Petalpaw managed to say something.

"I don't really hate you, Foxpaw," Petalpaw said, finally managing to stop giggling. She panted, out of breath.

"You never said you did," Foxpaw told her, starting to groom his fur.

"Oh. Well, I thought it." Petalpaw tilted her head, thinking.

There was silence for several minutes, in which Foxpaw realized he should probably say something nice to Petalpaw, too. After all, she had basically apologized.

"I guess… you're not so bad, either," Foxpaw struggled to get the words out. He looked at Petalpaw awkwardly, who grinned.

"First one to catch two pieces of prey has to change the elders' moss," Petalpaw challenged, hoping that Foxpaw considered themselves friends now.

"Sure," Foxpaw agreed, "I'll hunt over there, you hunt here," the tom scampered off.

Soon, Petalpaw had caught a mouse and scented the air for another one. She heard a rustling in the ferns, and the scent confirmed it was a robin. She crouched and started to stalk it, being silent and light on her paws. Once Petalpaw was close enough, she pounced and bit the robin's neck before it could even make a noise.

However, when she looked up, Petalpaw saw Foxpaw, frowning at her.

"I was going to catch that," he whined, looking at the piece of prey he had failed to capture.

"Sorry," Petalpaw apologized, truly meaning it. Foxpaw wasn't the best hunter, and there was lots of other prey she could've caught.

Once again there was silence, except for the soft sound of water trickling from a stream nearby. Foxpaw stared at his paws, and Petalpaw could tell he was suddenly... nervous. Why, she had no idea. But she didn't know what to say, thus no words were said. Petalpaw felt happy, though. Happy that Foxpaw was finally her friend. Glad she was such a good apprentice, and that Foxpaw didn't look up to see her staring.

Foxpaw, meanwhile, couldn't quite describe the feelings he had. His stomach turned over and over, and he was starting to regret all the times he was mean to the pretty, good, kind she-cat. How her cream fur shined in the sun, her amber eyes so bright, how her fur was so soft...

"Petalpaw, I think I love you," Foxpaw admitted quietly. He took a step closer and licked her cheek, and to his surprise she didn't flinch.

"Me too," Petalpaw realized it was true. She and Foxpaw were in _love. _The real, geniune thing. It felt amazing.

"Will you be my mate, once we're warriors?" Foxpaw asked softly, wrapping his tail around Petalpaw and bringing her closer.

"Of course, Foxpaw," Petalpaw nuzzled her soon-to-be mate, feeling happier than she could ever remember.

...

Moons went by, and they never forgot what they said. Petalpaw always purred when Foxpaw was around, and Foxpaw would get mysteriously silent whenever Petalpaw was in the den. In the silence of the forest, they felt free to act as if they already were mates, as long as they were absolutely sure no one was around.

Soon enough, their assesments came up. The last week Petalpaw had been training harder than ever before, and admittedly not giving Foxpaw the attention he deserved. They both passed, but Foxpaw barely. He thought that now, Petalpaw would spend more time with him - they would be warriors, mates at last.

They got their names that night. Foxcloud, for his blue eyes, and Petalfrost, for her white paws. Everyone seemed to know they were mates, from the way they looked at each other while standing vigil. Foxcloud was glad; it was much easier that way.

Foxcloud and Petalfrost seemed to fall into a routine. Petalfrost was usually on the dawn patrol, while Foxcloud would wake up later and train the apprentice he had been given, Dawnpaw. Towards the middle of the day, the mates would usually share a piece of prey and talk about things that were going on. Petalfrost would go to sleep soon after sunset, and Foxcloud would go on a patrol, or possibly just sit around, conversing with his Clanmates.

The second gathering since Foxcloud had become a warrior, he was chosen to go without Petalfrost. He was excited, since he hadn't been to a gathering in a while, but wished that Petalfrost could come with him. It was embarressing to admit it, but, after being so fierce, he was shy around large groups.

"You should go," Petalfrost whispered to Foxcloud as the cats chosen started to follow their leader out of camp. Petalfrost smiled weakly as Foxcloud gave her a lick on the cheek before padding away.

Though she would never admit it, Petalfrost was scared, and she was lying to Foxcloud. She wrapped her fluffy tail around her stomach, knowing she would have to tell her mate soon. Only the medicine cat knew so far - Petalfrost was expecting kits. She had mixed feelings; Petalfrost was so young, she didn't want kits yet. Of course, she would love them with all her heart.

Soon Foxcloud was scrambling over the log that led to the island. From the scrambled scents, he could tell that all the Clans were already there. He could see all sorts of pelts; ginger, brown, black, tortoiseshell. As he made his way towards the front of the crowd, he bumped into a cat.

"Geez -" Foxcloud started to snap, turning to the she-cat.

"It was my fault," The she-cat looked at her feet, which seemed to be all sorts of different colors. The backs of them were deep black, but farther up her legs was light cream. Foxcloud could also see ginger and white in the mix. She had tabby markings, and amber eyes.

"It really wasn't," Foxcloud, realizing how rude he was being. Besides, if they were friends, he could ask her about her interesting pelt. "I'm Foxcloud."

"I - I'm Shadedrose, and, um, sorry, I - I apologize a lot," Shadedrose blushed deeply, not many cats wished to talk to her. She was rather lonely, actually.

Foxcloud thought that was a rather pretty name. She must have tons of toms padding after her. He glanced at the leaders, who were speaking. He figured he could talk to Shadedrose for a few more minutes.

"That's okay," Foxcloud told her, "lots of cats do," Foxcloud thought of Petalfrost's apprentice, Dawnpaw, who was incredibly shy.

"Oh, that's really good to hear, because my - my Clan -" Shadedrose broke off, and muttered another apology. "I ramble on a lot."

Foxcloud didn't want to repeat himself, so instead he jumped straight to the point, "Your pelt is really unique," he tried to phrase it in a way that wouldn't sound rude, since Shadedrose seemed very sensitive.

"Th - thanks, my Clan thinks I'm weird - oh, uh, sorry…" Shadedrose still didn't meet Foxcloud's eyes.

"Go on," Foxcloud said, kindly, he thought.

"Well… ShadowClan thinks I'm weird, and… they don't really talk to me." Shadedrose blurted, wary of her Clanmates scattered around the island. She glanced behind her, as if she would be attacked any second.

Before Foxcloud could say anything, and for some reason he felt compelled to, the WindClan leader signalled the start of the gathering. Foxcloud settled beside Shadedrose, and he felt her shift away uncomfortably. _That's okay, _Foxcloud thought, glancing at her, _she isn't used to someone being friendly._

Foxcloud found he wasn't paying much attention, as it was the same as usual. WindClan was fine, lots of new kits, RiverClan was fine, no thanks to ShadowClan who had crossed their borders, and ShadowClan was fine, and no-they-didn't-cross-the-border. Even ThunderClan didn't have anything enteresting, but of course Foxcloud knew that.

"This is boring," Foxcloud whispered to Shadedrose, leaning close to her.

Shadedrose flinched, but brought her muzzle close to Foxloud and murmured back, "True… I guess." The pretty she-cat thought for a moment. "The WindClan leader seems to have an injury,"

Foxcloud looked. Badgerstar, the leader, was black-and-white with long fur, but that didn't hide that he was holding his left paw slightly above the branch, and the dried blood that could just be seen. No one else seemed to notice, though, as he tenderly put it on the bark, flinched, with a look of deep pain on his face, and tried again.

"Are you trying to imply your Clan is horrible and had a border skirmish?" Foxcloud joked, eyes glittering as he looked at Shadedrose, finding himself enjoying his company.

"What? No! That didn't - I mean -" Shadedrose took a deep breath. "You're joking, aren't you?"

Foxcloud laughed. "I'm surprised you couldn't tell," He told her.

She didn't get time to answer, however, because at that moment, ThunderClan's leader was gathering his Clan to leave. Foxcloud gave an apologetic smile at Shadedrose before running after his leader.

It seemed like a few minutes later, they were back in camp. Foxcloud gazed around; it seemed normnal, yet… Foxcloud shook his head. He felt dizzy. Maybe he was coming down with something. He looked up and saw Petalfrost coming towards him, a weird look on her face. It seemed nervous, yet excited at the same time, and a tad embarrassed.

"Petalfrost," Foxcloud purred, pushing away his diziness. This was his mate, and it looked like Petalfrost wanted to tell him something. She took a deep breath before letting it out slowly. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, but… I have something I need to tell you…" Petalfrost stared at the ground, a mixture of emotions clouding her senses. Why was it so darn hard to tell him she was expecting kits? Petalfrost was expecting it to be over quick and easy, not to be nervous and clammy, feeling as if she would pass out. She needed to tell him before she backed out.

"What is it?" Foxcloud rubbed against Petalfrost, purring. It was reassuring going back to what he knew and loved.

"I'm expecting kits," Petalfrost murmured, burying her face in Foxcloud's fur. Foxcloud licked her cheek; this was a good thing.

"That's great," Foxcloud told her, "but we're so young." There was a note of worry in his voice, that Petalfrost detected.

Petalfrost felt a bubble of anger rise up in her, threatening to explode. "You want kits, right?" Petalfrost asked Foxcloud, trying to keep her voice calm.

"Of course, but not this soon," Foxcloud gazed into Petalfrost's eyes, willing her to understand that od course he would be the father to these kits.

Petalfrost moved away from Foxcloud. "That's a problem, then," the she-cat didn't try to keep the venom out of her voice.

"No it isn't -" Foxcloud tried to say, standing up, aware of several cats who had yet to go to their dens staring at him.

"Maybe we should just avoid each other for a bit," Petalfrost hissed. As she padded away, she felt as if she had lost something - and she had. If Petalfrost had turned around that moment, she would have seen Foxcloud staring at her, miserable and confused.

Petalfrost disappeared into the nursery, where she must have moved earlier that day, and Foxcloud felt empty, as if he had left his heart back at the gathering. He looked around camp, and felt a sob coming on.

"Go away!" Foxcloud's voice broke, and his Clanmates must have noticed, as they didn't move. Feeling trapped, Foxcloud quickly sprinted out of the camp, and took a few more steps into the dark forest before collasing and trying to fight back tears.

Petalfrost hated him. _She didn't say that. _She probably thought it. _She's not good enough for you. _No. He was not good enough for her. _Those kits probably aren't even yours, Foxcloud. _Foxcloud disagreed. Everybody could see how much they loved each other. But then again, they were apprentices when they felt the love, could they have been wrong?

Foxcloud padded deeper into the forest, having not shed a single tear. His legs were shaking, and he stumbled every few steps. Foxclodu couldn't remember feeling those same emotions around any other cat. Except…

Before he knew it, Foxcloud could scent a ShadowClan patrol nearing. He had reached the border. Foxcloud didn't know what else to do, so he stood there, listening to the pawsteps becoming louder. Soon the patrol appeared, with four cats - Foxcloud only knew two of them. Owlclaw, and - Foxcloud, froze - Shadedrose.

Yes, now Foxcloud realized. He felt the same about Shadedrose as he did about Petalfrost, only deeper. How could this be? Foxcloud couldn't believe it.

"One-cat patrols? ThunderClan must be getting weaker," Owlclaw sneered, amber eyes glittering.

Foxcloud just stared. He didn't want to deal with this.

"Can't talk? Understandable. This one's -" Owlclaw pointed his tail at Shadedrose, and she ducked her head, ashamed. "Pelt is shocking, isn't it? Downright ugly."

With that the patrol padded away, Shadedrose looking back at Foxcloud, who felt a little sad seeing her go, now that he knew how he felt about her. But Shadedrose was in another Clan, it would never work… If only…

"Shadedrose!" Foxcloud hissed, hoping that she was still in hearing distance, and that only she would hear.

Silence. Foxcloud dipped his head, when he saw a flash of dark blue eyes. Shadedrose.

"Foxcloud?" Her voice wavered slightly, as if frightened. "What do you want?"

"Nothing, it's just -" Foxcloud thought for a moment. How to phrase it, how to phrase it… Meanwhile Shadedrose sat, waiting patiently. For a second, Foxcloud thought he heard footsteps. He dismissd it, though. "I… really like you."

Shadedrose seemed stunned, but pleased. A slight smile appeared on her face, but as she opened her mouth to speak, another voice came ringing.

"Traitor!" Foxcloud spun around, and saw Petalfrost. It was rather obvious she was expecting, as she seemed a bit larger than normal. Her eyes blazed with anger, and a smidge of sadness, Foxcloud realized.

Petalfrost took a few heavy steps forward, and Foxcloud took a few steps back. He was scared. What was Petalfrost going to do to him? He took a few more steps, and his heart plunged - as did his body. He scrambled for a grip along the bank of the stream, but to no avail - the water was cold, and rushed him away. Foxcloud didn't know how to swim, and he was too tired to struggle - right before he went under, he saw Petalfrost's eyes.

On solid ground, Petalfrost felt her heart burst. Foxcloud had gone under, but he hadn't come back up. The stream was shallow, but still deep enough for a cat to drown, and she knew Foxcloud couldn't swim. Petalfrost tried not to yowl or cry, and looked at the ShadowClan she-cat, who seemed much more shocked than sad.

"Were you… his mate?" Shadedrose asked, shuffling awkwardly, avoided Petalfrost's eyes.

Petalfrost nodded. After a second, she tried to talk. "I came to apologize," she said in a small voice.

"Did you have a fight?" Shadedrose asked, feeling ashamed of herself.

"Yes." Petalfrost took a moment before saying her next sentence.

"Maybe he didn't really love me, but I loved him."

**A/N: What did you think? Basically Foxcloud thought he loved Petalfrost, but he really didn't, 'cause they were apprentices when they thought that. Petalfrost really did love him, though... and Shadedrose is a tri-colored tabby, if you're wondering.**


End file.
